This is not a story about a
man. This is really a true story about a Merciful God who cares for
this one man. This is a story about the LORD who planned His Mercy
from the beginning.
The
Lord placed me in a good home in Pennsylvania with a loving mother
and 5 older siblings that watched out for me. My Father was abusive
and my mother asked him to leave when I was 2 years old. He left, but
the rest of my family had suffered much even though I was spared. My
mother always made sure we went to small country church every Sunday
to learn about our Creator and I came to respect God's Word, but the
gospel was not specifically preached. The gospel was in many of the
old hymns we sang and in the Word of God we read, I was just blind to
it.
However,
there have been four significant events in my life (so far) that God
has used to draw me to Him and to let me know He is near. The first
event to significantly impact my life took place when I was about 10
years old. My older brother Dale took my close sibling John and I on
an adventure that lasted 70 days in the Northeastern woods. We
backpacked from Pennsylvania to the northern border of Vermont along
the Appalachian Trail. It challenged me completely and my mother
would tell you I cried up every mountain. The experience also taught
me to appreciate the beauty of creation. When I returned, I knew I
did not want to live an ordinary life. And though I called myself a
Christian, I was more interested in adventure and self-glorification
that serving God.
So,
after high school and working hard for a few years John and I left
for Alaska seeking adventure. We traveled the world and looked for
all that life had to offer. The second significant event that God
allowed took place when I was 23 years old. One day while drinking
and partying, a female friend asked me to take her home. A few weeks
later, she approached me and told me she was pregnant. She told me
should was pro-life and that she did not want to marry me all in one
sentence. I was completely at a loss of what to do, so I agreed to
both of those decisions.
I
knew my life would be changed forever and all my dreams and plans
were gone. The guilt and shame of bringing a child into this world
out of wedlock weighed on me like a burden. Coming from a broken
home, I knew that it would affect my daughter the rest of her life
not matter how great a dad I was. How could I protect and provide and
do all the things a dad does from another household? I worked hard to
provide and to be a good dad, but the burden never left—it was
never good enough. It would never right the wrong.
When
my daughter Katey was three, my brother John and his wife Kathy took
me to church at Covenant Fellowship in Philadelphia. The gospel was
preached unashamedly and I did not know what to think. A few weeks
later, John called me up and said he had given his life to the Lord.
Kathy had done so months earlier. The third and most life-changing
event took place soon after that. Over the next 8 months, my brother
sent me books, told me about the Lord and prayed for me. The Lord
daily and patiently revealed Himself to me.
Eventually, I knew and could
not deny that the gospel is true—namely, God IS real, the Bible is
truly God’s perfect Word, that Jesus Christ is God (Phil 2:5, John
1:1), that Jesus had paid the penalty for my sins (Romans 3:21-26)
and that I am FREE from guilt and condemnation (Romans 8:1). Wow!
The reality of it shook me at my core. But I had a fear. I was living
in a world where every belief under the sun was accepted BUT
Christianity. If I submitted to Him, I may lose all my friends and
would have to tell my live-in girlfriend at the time that we could no
longer sleep together. I struggled with all this for a week.
Finally,
all alone in Alaska, in a little apartment at an empty resort 2 miles
from my nearest neighbor, I got on my knees and prayed, “Lord, I am
unworthy of your love and mercy—why would you forgive me?” It was
October 16, 1995.
Suddenly,
in a vision, all of Creation passed before me: animals, plants,
mountains, volcanoes—beautiful places I had been and all the earth;
planets and stars, galaxies and supernova, angels and demons and
Satan himself. “All of these I created and all of it together
does not compare to
Me,” God seemed to be saying. He is my Creator, He knew everything
about me and is perfectly Holy.
Let
me be clear: I have had banditos pointed guns at me, I’ve been charged by
bears, and I have faced many fears. But I tell you, there is nothing
more terrifying than to be a sinner in the Presence of the Holy God.
God had every right to kill me, disintegrate me, or even condemn me
to eternal damnation and I had absolutely no response. I was a
self-glorifying lawbreaker. I physically and violently trembled on
my hands and knees awaiting the verdict. But do you what He said
next? Three words. In an audible
voice I heard him
say, “I forgive you.” HE FORGAVE ME. Because he poured out His
punishment and wrath that I earned onto His Son Jesus, I am free from
condemnation and judgment. The great and heavy burden of guilt that I
had carried like a weight for over three years was instantly gone.
The
LORD had pursued me--
I did not seek Him. Like the Father of the prodigal son (Luke
15:11-32), He ran out to me and brought me home and rejoiced over me.
He sent His Son to die for me. This is His Story, not mine. He cared
for me, protected me and taught me His ways. He sent me out to serve
Him.
At
Denali National Park, Alaska, I was the only Christian I knew. Within
a week of my first public confession, a close friend and co-worker
who was back in Indiana called and said, “I heard you are a
Christian now.” People I had had deep philosophical discussions
with about the meaning of life just months earlier treated me as if I
was suddenly naïve and blind. I did end up losing all my friends and
I did tell my girlfriend we could not sleep together. She did make a
confession of faith soon after that in an effort to save our
relationship, but did not like being an outsider and soon we broke
up. Within 3 weeks, she was dating her future husband and was married
within a year. She did however, continue to go to church.
The
fourth significant even that the Lord had for me happened two years
later. I was ready to leave Alaska but the Lord told me to wait one
more season. So I did. I was lonely for fellowship even though I had
joined a church 30 miles down the road. So I posted a note in the
employee dining hall offering rides to church. I soon met Judy Rae
and we were engaged by the end of the summer. She went back to Ohio
and I stayed a few more weeks to finish the season. Back home, she
went to visit a friend and the friend pulled out her prayer journal
and said, “See, I started praying for you to find a husband two
years ago.” She had started praying October
16, 1995—the
exact same day I submitted my life to Him. God started answering that
prayer the same day, even though no one knew for 2 years.
People
say I am a nice guy and a good man. But I say to you, any good thing
you see in me is not me, but Christ. You are seeing His Spirit in me.
Part of me is still a self-glorifying lawbreaker. Look to Him.
God
continues to bless and guide my life. My daughter is now an adult,
graduated from NAU and is serving the LORD. I have served the Lord
without regret since 1995 and I have been married for since 1998. I
love and appreciate the wonder of all His creation more and more. I
know the Word of God is true. I know Jesus is God and He died and
rose again to save me. I know the Lord has a plan and purpose for my
life. I could tell story after story of His love, grace and mercy.
Every day, I talk to Him and He talks to me--- and it is a beautiful
thing. Sometimes he tells me things I do not like, but it is always
good.
Now I am an “empty-nester” and like Caleb and Joshua (Joshua 14),
I am ready for the next 40 years—ready to serve him in whatever
humble way he wishes.
If
you wish to know more, pray and ask Him. The Living God wants
to have a relationship with you.